Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Hormones: Blessing or Curse?

This morning, after I walked into work and settled in at my desk, I did my morning rounds of the blogosphere.  Yes, I read the news and blogs while I'm at work.  In my defense, it has never impacted my ability to do my job well and mornings are often very slow.

Anyway, one of my regular sites for news, both fluff pieces and serious, is Jezebel. One of the articles today was about hormonal birth control and the detrimental effects it can have on a woman's libido- http://jezebel.com/5530555/no+shit-birth-control-hormones-can-kill-desire.

This is an issue I can strongly relate to.  Speaking as someone who tried the Pill for a few years and has now upgraded to an IUD, I can say that finding the right method of birth control has been a struggle. When I first started on the Pill, I can say I did experience some lowered sex drive, but I wasn't having sex every day and it was rarely a huge issue.  Now that I am in a committed and monogamous relationship with S, we came to the mutual conclusion that the Pill wasn't working for me and condoms weren't right for us.

Admit it ladies, no condom just feels better.

So, we made the decision to try an IUD.  It just made more sense.  It is supposed to be more effective than the Pill and I didn't have to worry about taking my birth control at the same time every day.  I admit I'm fairly scatterbrained and was not always diligent about that.  Also, we hope to start a family in a few years and figured that once the IUD was ready to come out, we'd be ready to start trying.

While not having to worry about my birth control is a huge relief, it has come with a slew of other issues.  My skin is worse than ever, I experience more frequent headaches, and I am constantly tired.  Those things are minor, however, compared to the reduced sex drive I have experienced.

S is fairly understanding when I tell him I'm not in the mood, but that's just it! I want to WANT to "get down." I want to fuck, to bang, to grind parts. But when it comes time and he's raring to go, I feel like it's a huge inconvenience, push him away and I get annoyed.  This makes both of us feel terrible.  Neither of us is getting laid and I have a really hard time explaining that I'm so very attracted to him, but I just can't bring myself to get in the mood.  I feel dead down there and it makes me feel unsexy, un-womanly and prudish. 

That all being said, some of my friends tell me I shouldn't complain.  We still have an active sex life, one that sees more sex on a weekly basis that most relationships at our point.  But, I will complain, dammit! Why should we have to trade sound body for a sound mind.  Sure, I don't freak out that I might be pregnant whenever we have unprotected sex, but I shrink back when he tries to touch me? Neither is positive or healthy.  I suppose common sense should have made these risks apparent.

One of our key biological functions is to have children. To expand our families.  Hormonal birth control tricks our bodies.  It tampers with one of the key instincts that furthers our existence. Of course, we would have lower sex drive! On the most basic level, sex is for making babies.  If you're not planning on making babies, wouldn't it make sense that your desire to fornicate dwindles?

An unplanned pregnancy at this point in our lives has the potential to wreck our relationship, but so does my lack of lust.

What's a girl to do?