Feeling Good

Okay, so quick review of my work situation:

I started working for a major healthcare organization in our area in February. I started as a temporary employee with a contract to end at the beginning of May. I am filling in for an employee who was on maternity and has since announced that she will not be returning.  Since I started here various "higher ups" have assured me that I will be offered a permanent position, something I thought would happen now that the coworker has decided to extend her leave indefinitely.  Well, instead of offering me the position, they posted it to our job site as well as to the site of the staffing agency I got the job through. I applied for both, but I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that boss lady is not going to offer me the job.  I have felt, more or less since I started, that she is not a fan of me.  I would hope that that would not impact this decision as I have yet to receive any criticism and I do my job well, but I could be wrong.
These particular kinds of situations often lead to unbridled rage and crankiness, but they also provide me with an opportunity to overcome... and for exchanges like this-

*talking about the situation*
Me:  Whatever happens, happens, right?

S:  Yes. I will be sad if you do not get it though

Me:  I will also be sad. But I will be okay. I will find another job. I always do. I have the really important things in my life and that is what matters.

S: Yes.

Me: See, I am trying this "positive" thing on for size.  I like it, I think.

S: It looks good on you.  Especially if you aren't wearing anything else.

Ooh la la! Scandalous!

Neuroses

I'm not quite sure when it started, but at some point I became an overly anxious person.  Mind you, it isn't an all-the-time occurrence, but at the slightest whiff of bad news my brain starts working in double time.  If someone says "I need to talk to you" in a tone that is anything less than cheery all the possible things I could have done wrong start whirring in my mind.  It's a constant track of "Beware. Be prepared." 

That being said, I rarely am outwardly distressed and often am well-served by this tendency.  It allows me to work through the many possible angles and outcomes of a situation so often, the end result rarely surprises me.  This in turn causes others to perceive me as being cool as a cucumber in scenarios that would otherwise have someone running around as though the sky is falling.

It's a trade off, you see.  A compromise between internal anxiety attacks, sometimes of extreme proportions, and the outward ability to be a pillar of support and strength.  I wish there was a way to be the latter without mental freak-outs, but it seems that I am resigned to being slightly neurotic for the rest of my adult life.

Mind you, this was all sparked by a phone call from my parents house at 9:30 this morning... the only person who would call is my Mom, but she knows I'm at work.  So why? I won't know until my next break at work when I can turn that blinking notification light off and listen to my voicemail.




In other news, my future sister-in-law did have her baby yesterday evening. A beautiful baby girl who is still yet to be named.

Blogs, basics, and babies! Oh my!

Well, it seems that I have been absorbed into the blogging community as so many before me.  It seems like a perfectly legitimate way to vent and let the ol' thought patterns air out. Seeing as I have no idea whether others will be reading this, I suppose it would be prudent to provide a bit of background, so here it goes:

I am 20-something living with my fiance, our dog, and a few roomates in Portland, OR.  I originally hail from our nation's capital.  Employment status varies from month to month as the current economic state, as well as Portland's growing popularity, has made jobs scarce.

Okay, formalities... check.

Received word that by the end of today, my fiance's sister will have her baby. Gender is presently unknown and so our household is eagerly anticipating the arrival of a new niece or nephew.  While I already have 3 nephews, this will be a first for my fiance (who will be referred to as S from here on out). 

Staying tuned...